rosevalleygERL

make like a tree and leaf

POF Chronicles – Wants to date but nothing serious.

Intent is everything.  People may glaze over details involving weight, height, physical shape or hair color but I think when it comes to intent, they’re pretty honest.  I’d been seeing a Wants to date but nothing serious fish over the last month and contrary to his intent, he would make somewhat confusing statements.  “If things continue to go well, we should both deactivate our accounts.  That’s a thing people do.” or “I’d like to go to x event with you at the end of next month.”  He even went so far as to make plans with me later this week despite the fact that he sat on my couch 45 minutes later and stated that he wanted me in his life but as a friend.  Of course he was saving me eventual heartache that he likened at its worst to the loss of his father.  I actually understand how incredibly painful that type of loss can be and I cannot tell if he meant he was saving me from that pain or himself, and I think it’s best I don’t know.

I’m grateful for honesty no matter how difficult the nature of it is.  Splitting hairs over how it came to pass does nothing but waste time and you cannot ‘undo’ the past, but learn for the future and live in the present.  I’ve had my cry because let’s face it, rejection hurts no matter the circumstances.  And when remarking to an old dear friend that the number of romantic losses seemingly outnumber the wins his response was (as always) perfect: True, but you only need to win once.

Note: Previously I had written a post about this particular fish but placed it under password protection for the sake of being courteous as he was then, an active part of my life.  Being that the circumstances have now changed, that post is now available for viewing.

August 31, 2014 Uncategorized

Winter is coming.

As we start to bid summer farewell and turn the corner into fall, there are many changes in the air. The mornings are cooler and boots will be more readily worn celebrating sweater’s triumphant return to closets and dresser drawers. We will be assaulted in all manners by pumpkin-spiced hysteria. College football, Halloween, fall television show premiers and returns, phone book-sized fall issues of fashion magazines, it’s all there. A less noticed change however will be the conversion of summer flings into winter relationships.

Over the last decade here in the PacNW, winter has shown she’s not to be ignored. And much like our primate ancestors, we will seek the warm comfort of company both physically and emotionally. To me that’s what drives the initial relationship conversion. The hunt for a place to cohabitate, new leases being drawn up or names being added to existing ones, small moving trucks dotting the side streets of Portland, the free piles on those same street corners growing in size and frequency. Of course, relationships will have their mid-winter trials, the dreaded Holidays and by spring, we’ll see more small moving trucks dotting the same side streets of Portland, and the free piles on those same street corners will now contain the discarded remnants of failed relationships and Craigslist will see and uptick in lease take over ads.

I welcome the change the seasons will soon bring. Not in the arms of another, but snuggled up in bed with a stack of books, my dog snoring not so softly by my side, wearing  my dad’s wool sweater, wrapped in my grandmother’s crocheted quilt, sipping a cup of Granny Tea made by my mother knowing I’m exactly where I need to be and thankful for the comforts I have.

Winter is coming, and I cannot wait.

August 29, 2014 Dating Games, Love It Or Leave It, Respect the Thorn

POF Chronicles – First Dates

This fish proposes one tempting first date:

Screenshot_2014-08-28-16-35-44

August 28, 2014 Dating Games

Gunshot

Lykke Li – Gunshot

I am longing for your poison
Like a cancer for its prey
Shot an arrow, in your harbor 
Where you waited in the rain
I am sire, I am ivy
I am no one, I’m nobody
I am longing for your honey 
I am longing for your love

And the shot goes through my head and back
Gun shot, I can’t take it back

Lay me down in your ocean
Carry me and my burden 
I was dreaming about your honey 
I was hoping you’d save me 

And the shot goes through my head and back 
Gun shot, I can’t take it back 
My heart cracked, really loved you bad
Gun shot, I’ll never get you back, never get you back

And I ache, while you’re not here 
I can feel you aching
Wide awake, why you’re not here 
I can feel you firing straight into my heart

Goes through my head and back 
Gun shot, I can’t take it back 
My heart cracked, really loved you bad
Gun shot, I’ll never get you back, never get you back, 
never get you back, never get you back, never get you back

 

 

July 28, 2014 Monday's Music ,

POF Chronicles – We didn’t start the fire.

Well Lt. Firefighter not to be all puntastic but there were embers and they were smoldering but somehow, one of us thought the other was out looking for firewood and they simply went out.

Maybe it was my needling you about your age or the fact that I was rather high energy and you had worked your tail off for three days in a row saving lives and doing what most of us are not equipped to do and were simply tired.  But as a man of your word, if you said there’d be a second date, follow through.  Don’t be surprised when I look for the same level of communication that you started off with in anticipation of a second date, and seem confused at complete radio silence on your end.

My father always said that your word is all you ever really have; you are born with it and you die with it, and its integrity is entirely in your hands.  If you say your going to do something, do it. Otherwise, don’t bother talking because eventually, no one will listen.

 

July 23, 2014 Dating Games ,

POF Chronicles – The curious case of feminine products in the bathroom.

I’m taking a crack at online dating again and I’m still mulling over whether or not this suits my personality.

My profile is pretty hilarious, rife with my long-winded rants (because why not) and some goofy pictures to boot.  I’ve had to block a few oddballs (who hasn’t) and I’ve gone out on a few unmemorable dates (one of which found me waiting for a half hour before the short angry man showed up).  Why am I putting myself through this you ask?  Because, for once, I want something uncomplicated and fun.  I want to sit across from a near complete stranger and get to know them over a drink or plate of food and not argue about shared bills and the many minute irritations of cohabitation.

A conversation was had with the one man I’ve seen a few times now regarding intimacy and our personal experiences. Being that we’d made dinner for one another, he’d seen the inside of my apartment. He has been privy to my somewhat unorganized, not fully unpacked self. There was a point in our conversation in which he mentioned that (due to the existence of) certain items in my bathroom were seemingly contradictory to my narrative. I’ve had the chance to see where he lays his head at night, a room in a housing share.  I’ve made no assumptions, nor will I ever about him as a person and the make up of his character based on this. His truth is what he’s choosing to share with me and I accept this at face value.

To the men of planet Earth, yes you.  May I make a small suggestion?  If you don’t know, ask. And never, never ever, never ever ever assume because it makes an ass out of you and trust me when I say this, you don’t need help in that department.

July 17, 2014 Dating Games ,

The Friend Zone

Oh the dreaded friend zone…something I’d heard about, seen people living in and watched countless romantic comedies make money from.  How did I end up here?  Well, that is a post too lengthy to write.

After a long evening of watching a group of men in their late twenties vie for my friend’s affection the evening was wrapping up.  Back at a house, people were arranging for rides home or preparing to crash on couches…the most important part is my friend and I were happily climbing into our vehicle to put the long (and at many points fun) evening to bed.  A sweet but drunk member of the party came up to me to affirm his affections for me, that we should be friends, “like platonic friends”.  *Ouch*

Trust me when I say that I am okay with this.  This group of people isn’t for dating but rather for experiencing a slice of Portland’s nightlife, people to BBQ or go bowling or floating with.  The sting comes from the fact that I’d never been so firmly planted in the friend zone before.  More often than not I manage to get there on my own by being a bit too enthusiastically affectionate.  My life is a series of misunderstandings…I’m literally lost in translation at times.

A silver lining…it is good to know that at 35 there are still firsts to be had.

June 11, 2014 Born This Way, Love It Or Leave It ,

Bitter is the New Black

Dear Bitterness,

We have a love/hate relationship don’t we?  You thought to creep into my thoughts this weekend and on such a lovely Saturday…rude.

Yes, I get it.  It was deeply ironic that HE was practicing the music that he’d be playing at a friend’s wedding in a few short months.  That we’re a few weeks away from living  separately due to the fact that his music needs to be his first love and because I need to put myself first if the person I’m with wont.  You’ve made your point.

Let’s make a deal, I’ll wear my black and we’ll part ways.

Cordially,

Eleanor

June 2, 2014 Love It Or Leave It ,

Long Time Traveller

The Wailin’ Jennys – Long Time Traveller

These fleeting charms of earth
Farewell, your springs of joy are dry
My soul now seeks another home
A brighter world on high

I’m a long time travelling here below
I’m a long time travelling away from home
I’m a long time travelling here below
To lay this body down

Farewell kind friends whose tender care
Has long engaged my love
Your fond embrace I now exchange
For better friends above

I’m a long time travelling here below
I’m a long time travelling away from home
I’m a long time travelling here below
To lay this body down…

May 26, 2014 Monday's Music

BBQs & Hunger Games

Extended family was in town a few weekends ago and I found myself at the Murray family compound celebrating my sister-in-law’s birthday.  It was a welcome sight, driving up the gravel drive and seeing a fire in the fire pit, families gathered here and there, laughing, and children running around at play on the wide expanse of a lawn.  It is something I don’t always see and often Little D and I comment on the reality of the nieces and nephew zoned out in front of a television, on their phones or engrossed in their portable video games.

Great food and beverages were had by all (and me with my gluten-free hot dog buns eyeing the pasta salads and wishing I could partake).  It was nice to see how happy my brother was at the helm of the BBQ surrounded by his friends, and the big smile my sister-in-law had while in the kitchen, taking a birthday shot of fireball (the smile was there pre-shot mind you).  It wasn’t so long ago that my father stood where my brother stood, and my mother was in the kitchen making margaritas.

My favorite moment of the evening?  My sister-in-law spied from her vantage point on the deck that the children were down by the fire pit, having captured their intended, playing Hunger Games.  I saw her walk to the rail and yell, “No, we don’t tie people up!”  And there they were, by one of the posts of my mother’s grape vines, tying someone up, faces flush and triumphant. Commenting on this during the drive back to Portland, post-event, Little D’s mentioned she’d seen them dragging another child across the lawn with the same rope.

A little of Lord of the Flies, a dash of the The Cowboys, a good measure of The Hunger Games and you have the perfect recipe for children at play.

May 10, 2014 Remember When ,