rosevalleygERL

make like a tree and leaf

Quotable – Tyler Knott Gregson

“I would love to say that you make me weak in the knees, but to be quite upfront and completely truthful, you make my body forget it has knees at all.”

The sky was a thick blanket of grey and the cool winds that run along the river were kicking up my hair, inexpertly stuffed under a stocking cap. Bags of groceries and cooking implements in hand, I felt the straps digging into my weary shoulders. It had been a long weekend, one absent of the thing I wanted the most, and I had been silently miserable because of it. I stood there beginning to contemplate the recent things that had brought me to this moment but then I saw you running up the dock, your body moving in ways increasingly familiar to me. It isn’t so much that my heart stopped but paused in the most pleasant of ways. In moments you were on the other side, blackberry brambles, metal, wood, cracked glass and barbed wire between us. A deterrent to trespassers and a strange frame for the one I carry in my heart. I smelled you first, as I always do, something classic and spiced (I could happily drown in that smell). The sensation of your strong hands holding my face, the warmth of you a weather system of its own, your beard against my chilled skin – the perfect kiss sponsored by Portland Bee Balm and Burt’s Bees. What knees?

December 9, 2014 Quotable ,

Quotable – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

December 3, 2014 Quotable

Quotable – Cameron Diaz

“No matter how old you are, finding the guy who’s in the same place as you are and wants to show up is the only way a relationship works, period.”

December 2, 2014 Quotable

Don’t Forget the Stuffing

Of all the dishes being enjoying this Thanksgiving, there’s one in particular that I have little love for: stuffing.  Being that I am a celiac, for obvious reasons, I am at odds with this dish.  Beyond that, I am a texture eater and have always found that steaming mound of mushy bread on my plate unappealing.  Even the process of how it’s made is off-putting to me.  Bread, onions, celery, stock and spices (keepin’ it basic b*tch) are stuffed in what would be the rear end of a turkey carcass.  This serves as a sauna for said mixture, so that the marrow, liquefied fat and connective tissues don’t go to waste.  Yum.

In conjunction with the consumption (or avoidance) of stuffing are the holidays that seemingly call for it.  For better or worse, the holidays come with family. Those you are related to and those you consider as such, shared DNA mattering not.  From an outsider’s perspective I’ve watched my brother and his wife struggle each year with the holidays, their blended family, and in specific, arrangements needing to be made with regards to his daughter.  I know his situation is not unique as I have heard much from friends who find themselves in similar situations and have seen some rather disappointing things play out via social media (damned you).  It is always frustrating and hurtful for the adults involved but no one suffers more than the children used as ropes in a very real game of tug-o-war.  I say little when these unhappy situations play out as I am a childless, unmarried woman in her mid-thirties from a traditional nuclear family – what would I know?  Yet, my deeply logical self turns to my deeply compassionate self and says wtf is wrong with these supposed adults and their seemingly childish games?

Why, you  ask, am I talking about stuffing and blended families?  Because, this year, I had my own small taste of what being part of a blended family is like and realized the former is a perfect metaphor for the latter.

  • Everyone has their own unique recipe for stuffing and all blended families are unique.
  • As a child in a blended family, you swear to do everything different when you are an adult.  Yet, when you become an adult, you realize it was the original recipe that simply needed improving.
  • People have a love/hate relationship with stuffing, and the same could be said of blended family members.
  • Great stuffing and wonderful holiday childhood memories require the same ingredient: nostalgia.
  • You cannot take either family or stuffing out of the holidays…ever tried and seemingly ever failed people.
  • Plans for whom has who and when, will change last minute (especially during the holidays).  However, extra plates, chairs and stuffing will always be found.
  • Indoor pets of the dog persuasion tend to feel the same way about children and stuffing, the more the merrier.

DNA does not a family make, love does.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

November 27, 2014 Life Happens ,

End of the Line

Dad,

Yesterday would have been your birthday and as Max mentioned, there would have been pizza (Papa Pete’s) and beer but most of all, more laughter and love to go around than any of us would have known what to do with.  We miss you, there isn’t a day that goes by that this isn’t true.  There have been many changes around here, some of them harder to handle than others but we do our best in your absence.  We try so very hard to live our lives to the fullest, some days we’re better at it than others but it is you we think of when we need that extra kick in the ass.  You are, and always will be the voice inside our heads reminding us that life truly is too short and that it isn’t worth living unless we’re happy.

Your birthday always marks the start of the holiday season only because it is the first sharp reminder that you won’t be here for the festivities.  Thanksgiving, you and your empty legs and fourth helpings; then Christmas, the hunt for a ‘real’ tree and the trick we’d play on Mom regarding her Christmas gift; New Years quickly follows and the sound of you firing off the shotguns in the backyard is noticeably absent.  Then there’s January, such a hard (and let’s all be honest – shitty) month – there’s the day our hearts stopped, followed by the day that yours did and it ends with the day we had no other choice but to say farewell (but let’s be honest, you had a stellar funeral – all that was missing was a boat and some flaming arrows).

We miss you, we love you and we can only hope that when the end of the line (hopefully a long, long time from now) comes, you’ll be there waiting with a smile (oh that million watt smile of yours) and a hug from your skinny-ass frame (Lien butt anyone) and a beer (though let’s be honest Dad, Budweiser leaves something wanting – might I suggest another option).

All Our Love,

Eleanor

November 17, 2014 Monday's Music

POF Chronicles – The Gambler

As summer is drawing to a close and fall has now officially taken over, it is only fitting that a chapter in blogging and in my personal life comes to a close as well: POF Chronicles. As I begin the migration to a new home, it is time to take stock and pack up my life. Some things I’ll keep, some I will sell, others I will give away and some will find their way to the refuse bin.

There was a draft post I never quite managed to bring to life in this series because it just didn’t fit with the narrative…little did I know that something I crafted in the beginning would turn out to be the perfect ending. So, in conjunction with Monday’s Music I close with The Gambler and a series of screenshots taken of potential prospects on POF and OKCupid (OKCircus).

Initially these screenshots were captured in a rather snarky state of mind. It wasn’t that I thought these suitors unworthy, it was that I thought of them as lacking in effort, lazy; being unwilling to put everything out there for someone. In retrospect, taking into consideration everything I’ve experienced in my life in regards to matters of the heart and running this through the filters I’ve built over the last few months, I think this is more about the struggles we all face in finding love (acceptance). Sure, there are some (extremely) odd birds out there but we shouldn’t judge them by their feathers. Maybe this truly is them putting everything out there to find their flock. Though I still find many of these pretty hilarious (come on, it is me we’re talking about), I’m raising my glass to them and wishing them the very best on their quest for their birds of a feather.

My pheasant, this is for you.

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October 27, 2014 Dating Games, Love It Or Leave It, Monday's Music

My Silver Lining

First Aid Kit – My Silver Lining

I don’t want to wait anymore I’m tired of looking for answers
Take me some place where there’s music and there’s laughter
I don’t know if I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too fast, too slow
Regret, remorse, hold on, oh no I’ve got to go
There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on
And you’ve just gotta keep on keeping on
Gotta keep on going, looking straight out on the road
Can’t worry ’bout what’s behind you or what’s coming for you further up the road
I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong
I try to keep on keeping on
Yeah I just keep on keeping on

I hear a voice calling
Calling out for me
These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free
Be it for reason, be it for love
I won’t take the easy road

I’ve woken up in a hotel room, my worries as big as the moon
Having no idea who or what or where I am
Something good comes with the bad
A song’s never just sad
There’s hope, there’s a silver lining
Show me my silver lining
Show me my silver lining

I hear a voice calling
Calling out for me
These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free
Be it for reason, be it for love
I won’t take the easy road

I won’t take the easy road
The easy road, the easy road

Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on

 

October 20, 2014 Monday's Music

Broken Over You

Grace Mitchell – Broken Over You

Tripping on words that I didn’t say
Getting so lost in my head games
Making me feel kinda cold inside
I feel like leaving and I don’t know why

When you’re around
I go crazy
Let my hair down
Call me a fool
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you

Trying so hard that I can’t speak
I feel a little scared this time around
I don’t really care when I hear your words
Sounds so sweet that it kind of burns

When you’re around
I go crazy
Let my hair down
Call me a fool
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you

Tell me how you feel when you see me
Does it feel real in the right way
Is it like love when you look inside
Even if it’s not then I wish you’d lie

When you’re around
I go crazy
Let my hair down
Call me a fool
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you

October 13, 2014 Monday's Music

POF Chronicles – Shut Up

Dear g_idk,

Two and a half hours of your company was enough.

Sincerely,

Eleanor

September 6, 2014 Dating Games

POF Chronicles – Wants to date but nothing serious.

Intent is everything.  People may glaze over details involving weight, height, physical shape or hair color but I think when it comes to intent, they’re pretty honest.  I’d been seeing a Wants to date but nothing serious fish over the last month and contrary to his intent, he would make somewhat confusing statements.  “If things continue to go well, we should both deactivate our accounts.  That’s a thing people do.” or “I’d like to go to x event with you at the end of next month.”  He even went so far as to make plans with me later this week despite the fact that he sat on my couch 45 minutes later and stated that he wanted me in his life but as a friend.  Of course he was saving me eventual heartache that he likened at its worst to the loss of his father.  I actually understand how incredibly painful that type of loss can be and I cannot tell if he meant he was saving me from that pain or himself, and I think it’s best I don’t know.

I’m grateful for honesty no matter how difficult the nature of it is.  Splitting hairs over how it came to pass does nothing but waste time and you cannot ‘undo’ the past, but learn for the future and live in the present.  I’ve had my cry because let’s face it, rejection hurts no matter the circumstances.  And when remarking to an old dear friend that the number of romantic losses seemingly outnumber the wins his response was (as always) perfect: True, but you only need to win once.

Note: Previously I had written a post about this particular fish but placed it under password protection for the sake of being courteous as he was then, an active part of my life.  Being that the circumstances have now changed, that post is now available for viewing.

August 31, 2014 Dating Games, Love It Or Leave It