Intent is everything. People may glaze over details involving weight, height, physical shape or hair color but I think when it comes to intent, they’re pretty honest. I’d been seeing a Wants to date but nothing serious fish over the last month and contrary to his intent, he would make somewhat confusing statements. “If things continue to go well, we should both deactivate our accounts. That’s a thing people do.” or “I’d like to go to x event with you at the end of next month.” He even went so far as to make plans with me later this week despite the fact that he sat on my couch 45 minutes later and stated that he wanted me in his life but as a friend. Of course he was saving me eventual heartache that he likened at its worst to the loss of his father. I actually understand how incredibly painful that type of loss can be and I cannot tell if he meant he was saving me from that pain or himself, and I think it’s best I don’t know.
I’m grateful for honesty no matter how difficult the nature of it is. Splitting hairs over how it came to pass does nothing but waste time and you cannot ‘undo’ the past, but learn for the future and live in the present. I’ve had my cry because let’s face it, rejection hurts no matter the circumstances. And when remarking to an old dear friend that the number of romantic losses seemingly outnumber the wins his response was (as always) perfect: True, but you only need to win once.
Note: Previously I had written a post about this particular fish but placed it under password protection for the sake of being courteous as he was then, an active part of my life. Being that the circumstances have now changed, that post is now available for viewing.