rosevalleygERL

make like a tree and leaf

End of the Line

Dad,

Yesterday would have been your birthday and as Max mentioned, there would have been pizza (Papa Pete’s) and beer but most of all, more laughter and love to go around than any of us would have known what to do with.  We miss you, there isn’t a day that goes by that this isn’t true.  There have been many changes around here, some of them harder to handle than others but we do our best in your absence.  We try so very hard to live our lives to the fullest, some days we’re better at it than others but it is you we think of when we need that extra kick in the ass.  You are, and always will be the voice inside our heads reminding us that life truly is too short and that it isn’t worth living unless we’re happy.

Your birthday always marks the start of the holiday season only because it is the first sharp reminder that you won’t be here for the festivities.  Thanksgiving, you and your empty legs and fourth helpings; then Christmas, the hunt for a ‘real’ tree and the trick we’d play on Mom regarding her Christmas gift; New Years quickly follows and the sound of you firing off the shotguns in the backyard is noticeably absent.  Then there’s January, such a hard (and let’s all be honest – shitty) month – there’s the day our hearts stopped, followed by the day that yours did and it ends with the day we had no other choice but to say farewell (but let’s be honest, you had a stellar funeral – all that was missing was a boat and some flaming arrows).

We miss you, we love you and we can only hope that when the end of the line (hopefully a long, long time from now) comes, you’ll be there waiting with a smile (oh that million watt smile of yours) and a hug from your skinny-ass frame (Lien butt anyone) and a beer (though let’s be honest Dad, Budweiser leaves something wanting – might I suggest another option).

All Our Love,

Eleanor

November 17, 2014 Monday's Music

POF Chronicles – The Gambler

As summer is drawing to a close and fall has now officially taken over, it is only fitting that a chapter in blogging and in my personal life comes to a close as well: POF Chronicles. As I begin the migration to a new home, it is time to take stock and pack up my life. Some things I’ll keep, some I will sell, others I will give away and some will find their way to the refuse bin.

There was a draft post I never quite managed to bring to life in this series because it just didn’t fit with the narrative…little did I know that something I crafted in the beginning would turn out to be the perfect ending. So, in conjunction with Monday’s Music I close with The Gambler and a series of screenshots taken of potential prospects on POF and OKCupid (OKCircus).

Initially these screenshots were captured in a rather snarky state of mind. It wasn’t that I thought these suitors unworthy, it was that I thought of them as lacking in effort, lazy; being unwilling to put everything out there for someone. In retrospect, taking into consideration everything I’ve experienced in my life in regards to matters of the heart and running this through the filters I’ve built over the last few months, I think this is more about the struggles we all face in finding love (acceptance). Sure, there are some (extremely) odd birds out there but we shouldn’t judge them by their feathers. Maybe this truly is them putting everything out there to find their flock. Though I still find many of these pretty hilarious (come on, it is me we’re talking about), I’m raising my glass to them and wishing them the very best on their quest for their birds of a feather.

My pheasant, this is for you.

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October 27, 2014 Dating Games, Love It Or Leave It, Monday's Music

My Silver Lining

First Aid Kit – My Silver Lining

I don’t want to wait anymore I’m tired of looking for answers
Take me some place where there’s music and there’s laughter
I don’t know if I’m scared of dying but I’m scared of living too fast, too slow
Regret, remorse, hold on, oh no I’ve got to go
There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on
And you’ve just gotta keep on keeping on
Gotta keep on going, looking straight out on the road
Can’t worry ’bout what’s behind you or what’s coming for you further up the road
I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong
I try to keep on keeping on
Yeah I just keep on keeping on

I hear a voice calling
Calling out for me
These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free
Be it for reason, be it for love
I won’t take the easy road

I’ve woken up in a hotel room, my worries as big as the moon
Having no idea who or what or where I am
Something good comes with the bad
A song’s never just sad
There’s hope, there’s a silver lining
Show me my silver lining
Show me my silver lining

I hear a voice calling
Calling out for me
These shackles I’ve made in an attempt to be free
Be it for reason, be it for love
I won’t take the easy road

I won’t take the easy road
The easy road, the easy road

Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on
Show me my silver lining, I try to keep on keeping on

 

October 20, 2014 Monday's Music

Broken Over You

Grace Mitchell – Broken Over You

Tripping on words that I didn’t say
Getting so lost in my head games
Making me feel kinda cold inside
I feel like leaving and I don’t know why

When you’re around
I go crazy
Let my hair down
Call me a fool
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you

Trying so hard that I can’t speak
I feel a little scared this time around
I don’t really care when I hear your words
Sounds so sweet that it kind of burns

When you’re around
I go crazy
Let my hair down
Call me a fool
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you

Tell me how you feel when you see me
Does it feel real in the right way
Is it like love when you look inside
Even if it’s not then I wish you’d lie

When you’re around
I go crazy
Let my hair down
Call me a fool
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you
I get a little broken over you

October 13, 2014 Monday's Music

POF Chronicles – Shut Up

Dear g_idk,

Two and a half hours of your company was enough.

Sincerely,

Eleanor

September 6, 2014 Dating Games

POF Chronicles – Wants to date but nothing serious.

Intent is everything.  People may glaze over details involving weight, height, physical shape or hair color but I think when it comes to intent, they’re pretty honest.  I’d been seeing a Wants to date but nothing serious fish over the last month and contrary to his intent, he would make somewhat confusing statements.  “If things continue to go well, we should both deactivate our accounts.  That’s a thing people do.” or “I’d like to go to x event with you at the end of next month.”  He even went so far as to make plans with me later this week despite the fact that he sat on my couch 45 minutes later and stated that he wanted me in his life but as a friend.  Of course he was saving me eventual heartache that he likened at its worst to the loss of his father.  I actually understand how incredibly painful that type of loss can be and I cannot tell if he meant he was saving me from that pain or himself, and I think it’s best I don’t know.

I’m grateful for honesty no matter how difficult the nature of it is.  Splitting hairs over how it came to pass does nothing but waste time and you cannot ‘undo’ the past, but learn for the future and live in the present.  I’ve had my cry because let’s face it, rejection hurts no matter the circumstances.  And when remarking to an old dear friend that the number of romantic losses seemingly outnumber the wins his response was (as always) perfect: True, but you only need to win once.

Note: Previously I had written a post about this particular fish but placed it under password protection for the sake of being courteous as he was then, an active part of my life.  Being that the circumstances have now changed, that post is now available for viewing.

August 31, 2014 Dating Games, Love It Or Leave It

Winter is coming.

As we start to bid summer farewell and turn the corner into fall, there are many changes in the air. The mornings are cooler and boots will be more readily worn celebrating sweater’s triumphant return to closets and dresser drawers. We will be assaulted in all manners by pumpkin-spiced hysteria. College football, Halloween, fall television show premiers and returns, phone book-sized fall issues of fashion magazines, it’s all there. A less noticed change however will be the conversion of summer flings into winter relationships.

Over the last decade here in the PacNW, winter has shown she’s not to be ignored. And much like our primate ancestors, we will seek the warm comfort of company both physically and emotionally. To me that’s what drives the initial relationship conversion. The hunt for a place to cohabitate, new leases being drawn up or names being added to existing ones, small moving trucks dotting the side streets of Portland, the free piles on those same street corners growing in size and frequency. Of course, relationships will have their mid-winter trials, the dreaded Holidays and by spring, we’ll see more small moving trucks dotting the same side streets of Portland, and the free piles on those same street corners will now contain the discarded remnants of failed relationships and Craigslist will see and uptick in lease take over ads.

I welcome the change the seasons will soon bring. Not in the arms of another, but snuggled up in bed with a stack of books, my dog snoring not so softly by my side, wearing  my dad’s wool sweater, wrapped in my grandmother’s crocheted quilt, sipping a cup of Granny Tea made by my mother knowing I’m exactly where I need to be and thankful for the comforts I have.

Winter is coming, and I cannot wait.

August 29, 2014 Dating Games, Love It Or Leave It, Respect the Thorn

POF Chronicles – First Dates

This fish proposes one tempting first date:

Screenshot_2014-08-28-16-35-44

August 28, 2014 Dating Games

Gunshot

Lykke Li – Gunshot

I am longing for your poison
Like a cancer for its prey
Shot an arrow, in your harbor
Where you waited in the rain
I am sire, I am ivy
I am no one, I’m nobody
I am longing for your honey
I am longing for your love

And the shot goes through my head and back
Gun shot, I can’t take it back

Lay me down in your ocean
Carry me and my burden
I was dreaming about your honey
I was hoping you’d save me

And the shot goes through my head and back
Gun shot, I can’t take it back
My heart cracked, really loved you bad
Gun shot, I’ll never get you back, never get you back

And I ache, while you’re not here
I can feel you aching
Wide awake, why you’re not here
I can feel you firing straight into my heart

Goes through my head and back
Gun shot, I can’t take it back
My heart cracked, really loved you bad
Gun shot, I’ll never get you back, never get you back,
never get you back, never get you back, never get you back

July 28, 2014 Monday's Music ,

POF Chronicles – We didn’t start the fire.

Well Lt. Firefighter not to be all puntastic but there were embers and they were smoldering but somehow, one of us thought the other was out looking for firewood and they simply went out.

Maybe it was my needling you about your age or the fact that I was rather high energy and you had worked your tail off for three days in a row saving lives and doing what most of us are not equipped to do and were simply tired.  But as a man of your word, if you said there’d be a second date, follow through.  Don’t be surprised when I look for the same level of communication that you started off with in anticipation of a second date, and seem confused at complete radio silence on your end.

My father always said that your word is all you ever really have; you are born with it and you die with it, and its integrity is entirely in your hands.  If you say your going to do something, do it. Otherwise, don’t bother talking because eventually, no one will listen.

 

July 23, 2014 Dating Games ,