rosevalleygERL

make like a tree and leaf

Gunshot

Lykke Li – Gunshot

I am longing for your poison
Like a cancer for its prey
Shot an arrow, in your harbor 
Where you waited in the rain
I am sire, I am ivy
I am no one, I’m nobody
I am longing for your honey 
I am longing for your love

And the shot goes through my head and back
Gun shot, I can’t take it back

Lay me down in your ocean
Carry me and my burden 
I was dreaming about your honey 
I was hoping you’d save me 

And the shot goes through my head and back 
Gun shot, I can’t take it back 
My heart cracked, really loved you bad
Gun shot, I’ll never get you back, never get you back

And I ache, while you’re not here 
I can feel you aching
Wide awake, why you’re not here 
I can feel you firing straight into my heart

Goes through my head and back 
Gun shot, I can’t take it back 
My heart cracked, really loved you bad
Gun shot, I’ll never get you back, never get you back, 
never get you back, never get you back, never get you back

 

 

July 28, 2014 Monday's Music ,

POF Chronicles – We didn’t start the fire.

Well Lt. Firefighter not to be all puntastic but there were embers and they were smoldering but somehow, one of us thought the other was out looking for firewood and they simply went out.

Maybe it was my needling you about your age or the fact that I was rather high energy and you had worked your tail off for three days in a row saving lives and doing what most of us are not equipped to do and were simply tired.  But as a man of your word, if you said there’d be a second date, follow through.  Don’t be surprised when I look for the same level of communication that you started off with in anticipation of a second date, and seem confused at complete radio silence on your end.

My father always said that your word is all you ever really have; you are born with it and you die with it, and its integrity is entirely in your hands.  If you say your going to do something, do it. Otherwise, don’t bother talking because eventually, no one will listen.

 

July 23, 2014 Dating Games ,

Protected: POF Chronicles – The curious case of feminine products in the bathroom.

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July 17, 2014 Dating Games ,

The Friend Zone

Oh the dreaded friend zone…something I’d heard about, seen people living in and watched countless romantic comedies make money from.  How did I end up here?  Well, that is a post too lengthy to write.

After a long evening of watching a group of men in their late twenties vie for my friend’s affection the evening was wrapping up.  Back at a house, people were arranging for rides home or preparing to crash on couches…the most important part is my friend and I were happily climbing into our vehicle to put the long (and at many points fun) evening to bed.  A sweet but drunk member of the party came up to me to affirm his affections for me, that we should be friends, “like platonic friends”.  *Ouch*

Trust me when I say that I am okay with this.  This group of people isn’t for dating but rather for experiencing a slice of Portland’s nightlife, people to BBQ or go bowling or floating with.  The sting comes from the fact that I’d never been so firmly planted in the friend zone before.  More often than not I manage to get there on my own by being a bit too enthusiastically affectionate.  My life is a series of misunderstandings…I’m literally lost in translation at times.

A silver lining…it is good to know that at 35 there are still firsts to be had.

June 11, 2014 Born This Way, Love It Or Leave It ,

Bitter is the New Black

Dear Bitterness,

We have a love/hate relationship don’t we?  You thought to creep into my thoughts this weekend and on such a lovely Saturday…rude.

Yes, I get it.  It was deeply ironic that HE was practicing the music that he’d be playing at a friend’s wedding in a few short months.  That we’re a few weeks away from living  separately due to the fact that his music needs to be his first love and because I need to put myself first if the person I’m with wont.  You’ve made your point.

Let’s make a deal, I’ll wear my black and we’ll part ways.

Cordially,

Eleanor

June 2, 2014 Love It Or Leave It ,

Long Time Traveller

The Wailin’ Jennys – Long Time Traveller

These fleeting charms of earth
Farewell, your springs of joy are dry
My soul now seeks another home
A brighter world on high

I’m a long time travelling here below
I’m a long time travelling away from home
I’m a long time travelling here below
To lay this body down

Farewell kind friends whose tender care
Has long engaged my love
Your fond embrace I now exchange
For better friends above

I’m a long time travelling here below
I’m a long time travelling away from home
I’m a long time travelling here below
To lay this body down…

May 26, 2014 Monday's Music

BBQs & Hunger Games

Extended family was in town a few weekends ago and I found myself at the Murray family compound celebrating my sister-in-law’s birthday.  It was a welcome sight, driving up the gravel drive and seeing a fire in the fire pit, families gathered here and there, laughing, and children running around at play on the wide expanse of a lawn.  It is something I don’t always see and often Little D and I comment on the reality of the nieces and nephew zoned out in front of a television, on their phones or engrossed in their portable video games.

Great food and beverages were had by all (and me with my gluten-free hot dog buns eyeing the pasta salads and wishing I could partake).  It was nice to see how happy my brother was at the helm of the BBQ surrounded by his friends, and the big smile my sister-in-law had while in the kitchen, taking a birthday shot of fireball (the smile was there pre-shot mind you).  It wasn’t so long ago that my father stood where my brother stood, and my mother was in the kitchen making margaritas.

My favorite moment of the evening?  My sister-in-law spied from her vantage point on the deck that the children were down by the fire pit, having captured their intended, playing Hunger Games.  I saw her walk to the rail and yell, “No, we don’t tie people up!”  And there they were, by one of the posts of my mother’s grape vines, tying someone up, faces flush and triumphant. Commenting on this during the drive back to Portland, post-event, Little D’s mentioned she’d seen them dragging another child across the lawn with the same rope.

A little of Lord of the Flies, a dash of the The Cowboys, a good measure of The Hunger Games and you have the perfect recipe for children at play.

May 10, 2014 Remember When ,

I Will Be There

Odessa – I Will Be There

If you ever need someone to cry to
If you ever need someone to hold you

I will be there
Standing by your side
I will be there
Standing by your side

If you ever need someone
To just love you
If you ever need someone
To simply adore you

I will be there
Standing by your side
I will be there
Standing by your side

From the mountains to the sea
And the city
From the valleys to the moon
In every country

I will be there
Standing beside you
I will be there
Standing by your side

I will be there

April 7, 2014 Monday's Music

Conscious Uncoupling

I’ve been dating a man for two-and-a-half years. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs and he and I have come to the conclusion that we should not be a couple at this point in our individual lives. We’ve accepted that we should have ended that aspect of our relationship much earlier than we are and yet, we get along famously. And yet, we still love one another. And yet, we’re still the first people we think of to talk to. And yet, we still live together. And yet, we have a dog that he and I very much consider ourselves the parents of. When faced with a situation like this, what does one do?

Yes, I was one of the eye-rollers flinging judgement left and right when I first read the statement that Gwen, Chris & Co. put out via her GOOP website regarding their separation. Once I dismounted (gracefully mind you) my high horse, I realized that this is a phrase I would use, the best phrase I could use, to describe what I’m currently experiencing. What if we all approached a break up with the same measured care we first used when entering the relationship? What if we could all consciously uncouple?

Having survived a number of break ups (some more bitter and damaging than others), the idea that a chapter or book of one’s life could be closed with a uncomplicated and rather loving epilogue is both hopeful and relieving at the same time. I hope that the next relationship (as I always do) will need a library to contain its story and I’m relived that if it doesn’t (which is always possible) that it will have an ending worth experiencing.

April 3, 2014 Love It Or Leave It

The Scarlet Letter, What Ifs & Glass Slippers

I’ve always loved the book The Scarlet Letter. I identify with Hester but not for the reasons you think. She bore the shame in the shape of a scarlet A for carrying the child of a man who was not her assumed dead husband (adulteress hisssssssss). My burden would be a scarlet H, for honesty (comma brutal). I wear it as I approach my 35th birthday, at weddings with no +1, at family events and in my day to day life where I see the things I want oh so badly, but (for the moment) cannot and should not have.

A strange series of text messages and Facebook chats lead to a dismissal in the form of a voice mail message last night that served as a sharp reminder of the shame I bear in being able to see through the bullshit of others. A silent witness to a future train wreck where I told you so comes in the form of my absence. Be comforted that this incident affirmed my cynicism, but also that it was the inspiration for this post. Bonus, another what if was crossed off my list: Dr. Goodyear .

I’m going to keep wearing my scarlet H; I’ll continue to recognize that person staring back at me from the mirror and know that my prince will come bearing a stitch ripper vs. glass slippers (my Chucks Taylors are more comfortable anyway).

 

 

 

March 27, 2014 Respect the Thorn