I’ll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind
I’ll use you as a focal point
So I don’t lose sight of what I want
I’ve moved further than I thought I could
But I miss you more than I thought I would
I’ll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind
I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be
Right in front of me
Talk some sense to me
I’ll use you as a makeshift gauge
Of how much to give and how much to take
I’ll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you’ll lose your mind
I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be
Right in front of me
Talk some sense to me
I’m slowly winding down my adventures in online dating. After a number of attempts it has becoming plainly clear it just isn’t the right forum for me. My heart is no longer in the game and my head is focused on other things. OKCupid ran out of arrows, Plenty of Fish ran out of bait and now all I’m left with is my lone Match.com account which should lapse soon.
What does this have to do with a 13 year old you ask? There are a myriad of reasons that being an aunt is nothing short of amazing. But then, when you are apparently short on conversation topics, you have a text conversation with your 13 year old niece regarding your romantic life and online dating and your mind is blown.
(Oma is in reference to my mother, who is soon to be married to a great man, a widow much like herself.)
(Apparently my profile picture isn’t up to snuff.) (I think her idea of doing one’s hair is a little different than my idea of doing one’s hair. Her’s involves a curling iron, complicated braids, clips and glitter or streaks of My Little Pony color. Mine involves a hair tie.)
Might as well make the most of the remaining days…this ought to be interesting.
Patience is a virtue. But who am I kidding…there have been a number of times in my life where I’ve been less than virtuous when viewed through this lens. This week, for example. A recent trip to Whole Foods for some essentials had me chasing a couple around the store. Normally I wouldn’t mind but when they are both on their mobile phones, each having their own conversation (in addition to somehow communicating with one another) and taking up more or less a 1/2 of a aisle at at time, it can get to you.
*sigh*
I’m destined to turn into that women aren’t I? Like Gilda Radner’s Emily Litella. Never mind.
I have more love to give than I know what to do with. There are days when I’m frustrated and hurt because I have no proper outlet for it. And, there are days when I feel incredibly alone because I’m receiving little if none at all. I don’t always show it in obvious ways. You won’t find me posting quotes or poetry on a Facebook wall, misusing (and wearing out) those 8 (eight) letters and 3 (three) words. I am happiest when I’m in the kitchen proving my worth and showing my love in salt. To me, food is love.
To the employees at the Laurelhurst Whole Foods on Burnside and 28th in Portland, OR I owe you a thank you. I was having a rotten day…a migraine, impending birthday and lonely heart. Because of you, on this day, I felt loved. The individual at the deli meat counter, thank you for having a twisted sense of humor that snapped me out of my funk. You didn’t need to add those extra slices of turkey pastrami to my order but with cheese and crackers over lunch at my new job, giving me fuel to get through the second half of the day…I felt loved. The individual at the meat counter, thank you for helping me pick out a steak and being mindful of my budget, offering to season it and taking the time to make sure I knew how to properly prepare it. I had it for dinner the following evening along with fresh corn on the cob and with each bite…I felt loved. The individual that helped me at check-out, you were at the end of your shift on your ‘Friday’. When my total grocery bill was a bit more than currently in my checking account, you didn’t need to take $3.00 off but you did, you took care of me and…I felt loved.
I want all three of you to know it was paid forward, and I intend to keep paying it forward. An inspiring co-worker (out of the goodness of his heart) has started (once a month) putting together sandwiches and passing them out to the homeless downtown. Per a suggestion, he added in bottled water and bananas and I came up with the idea to throw some homemade cookies into the mix.
I didn’t grow up with a great deal of money but what we lacked in greens we made up for in love. Sure, Oreos would have been the more popular food to have in my lunch sack but honestly, I’d take my mother’s homemade oatmeal cookies any day. I figure that when you are feeling ignored and alone, a few bites of a homemade cookie might just make you feel that you actually do matter. Because, to me, food is love.
The weekend following the 36th anniversary of my life was not without challenges…a relationship that I really valued ended. But I tell you, as painful as it was, it was equally beautiful. I gave my heart to an amazing person and it was returned with the same amount of love and respect that it had been given.
A sweet friend of mine, someone I consider a sister, was asking me a zillion questions about how I ‘felt’. Sad for sure. At a certain point in life you pin a lot of hope on things, especially when you do away with the immaturity of your twenties. But I’m logical to a fault and I understood beyond any emotion, why things had to end.
I told her my secret to life was logic, compassion and a twisted sense of humor. And alcohol but I’m sure that’s not healthy.
So here I am…letting go. I learned a long time ago that control is an illusion. That hanging onto an illusion will only leave you empty and without grounding. With feet firmly planted in the earth I look forward. Let’s do this!
On my way into work this morning I heard a new song on the radio. It reminded me of the montage of scenes that accompany a movie trailer where the casts includes a bunch of well known actors and actresses. The plot is one where the primary character goes through something profound in life (usually a crisis in adulthood) but with support from a quirky lot of friends and family. One might use the word ‘heartwarming’ when describing this film. Regardless it was catchy and I figured why not share.
Cecilia And the Satellite – Andrew McMahon
But then, I’m reminded of another Cecilia, someone I know a bit better.
Cecilia – Simon & Garfunkle
Cecilia, you’re obviously quite the woman to inspire such musical worship over the span of nearly five (5) decades. Do me a favor though, treat your men a bit better. Granted maybe you were young once and had your pick but at this point in life, if someone says:
For all the things my hands have held The best by far is you
I have long worshiped at your house and will soon be purchasing the Somba Classic (or a close variation of) as a means of adding some comfortable urban polish to my everyday. Sadly, you do not make an equal of athletic grace in a woman’s shoe (what to heck with that I ask) but thankfully, I’ll order a smaller-sized men’s shoe and consider myself a satisfied customer.
I do have one small matter to bring to your attention, if you would be so obliging, and that would be the Boyfriend Shoes:
Boyfriend as a fashion style is not a new thing per se and it pains me a bit to see you jumping off that particularly well known cliff. And, for such an unattractive, unoriginal, gender-bland product at that (say it with me now…got cankles?). Perhaps you were simply ribbing us the fairer sex? If so, then you go sell the shit out of your Boyfriend Shoes. I’ll be over here admiring men in girlfriend-fit denim:
