Who Am I?
The Good Identity Crisis: It Lasts Two Years, No Shortcuts
Yesterday’s Oregonian featured an article centered around a positive take on an identity crisis (hyperlink above). I wanted to share this with you all because I think it is a common struggle and articles such as these are really encouraging.
The gist is that it takes two years plus to recover from an emotional trauma; more if it is unexpected. That there are two processes; recovery from grief and restructuring your life.
Having lost a parent unexpectedly and weathered some rather unpleasant break ups, it validates the idea that “You don’t have to feel pressure to be OK, because you’re not OK.”
I realize that in the restructuring my life after each of these events I made two major mistakes. First, I tried moving to a new city (more than once); somehow my grief discovered my forwarding address found me at the worst moments. Second, I tried to fill the void of the missing relationship with another but that’s akin to putting a square peg in a round hole…it just doesn’t fit and frankly, isn’t fair to the memory of the one who left and the presence of the one who is there!
I can tell you being in my mid-thirties I’m going through an identity crisis (no, I will not be dating someone much younger or making imprudent purchases – quite the opposite). Not brought about by any one thing other than I feel like I should be in a much better place at this point in my life across the board.
On my wall at home I have a giant cork board that I fill with little bits of inspiration wherever I find them and next to it a massive Post-it note where I list my goals and with a smelly but satisfying Sharpie, cross them off whenever I achieve one. These things serve as a compass when doubt tries to creep in on the daily (truth).
So for those of you friends and readers alike who feel lost or directionless, read this and know it is okay to not be okay (note this is a temporary permit not a license to wallow). That it is healthy to look in the mirror and wonder “Who Am I?” as long as you never give up on finding the answer.