rosevalleygERL

My Girl

There are days when I think I will be alone for the rest of my life.  And not in the sense of having a significant other, I mean truly alone with no one in the world (including my own family members) that understand you.  And then there are days when you’re flat proven wrong.  Monday was one of those days.

My best friend since childhood sent me the most amazing card and though I know she may never read this blog, it’s about send the love I will always have for her out into the universe.

The card read:

I just have to laugh when I think of some of the crazy things we’ve done together – and they wouldn’t have been half the fun with anyone else but you.  I wouldn’t trade even one of those memories for anything in the world, because they’re so much a part of my life…and so are you.  Happy Birthday

Her Note:

Happy Birthday Elly!

We truly have had some crazy times together…and none of those times would have been fun without!  (Motorcycle riding in the rain and mud as children, tormenting our siblings, almost missing my plane in Chicago…)  We had a lot of fun together as children and I thank you for all those memories.  The happiness of childhood can be so easily forgotten sometimes, but when I’m with you, you remind me of all those blissful times before the world because so messy.  You are my link to the past and my best friend for the future.  So here’s to you and your birthday (me toasting you from Utah) and me sending you a wish that we will spend another 31 years together.

Happy Birthday and lot’s of love,

Sara

I’m known for giving cards, for any and all occasions that are not serious.  I don’t take life too seriously.  It’s a problem for some, I know but honestly, the only way I’ve ever gotten through some truly rotten times was through the power of laughter.  So it is a rare occasion, when someone gives me a serious card that I give full value to.  There’s only been one other time in my life, when my mother and father know I was having a rather rough time of it at that point of my life and of all days, Valentine’s Day.  They found, by some small miracle, the perfect card to let me know that no matter what I did, who I became or where I went, they’d always love me.

This is the second time.  Both cards I’ll keep, the words I’ll always know because with all their hearts, my parents then and my best friend Sara know and believe this.  So…this blog is dedicated to my girl, whom I’ll have another 31 years with, no matter what I do, who I become of where I go.  I love you Sara.

Life’s A Garden, Dig It

Today was prime for a ‘Lazy Sunday’.  But, I have trouble sitting still for long periods of time with nothing to hold my interest.  It makes me all too aware of the empty spaces in my life.  So…I decided to hit the P-Patch plot.

1st Trip: Went to the plot to turn it under. Let me tell you, for a 10’x10’ space there were about 3 years of weeds and a few trees that had decided to take root.  Two hours later, I had a cleared plot, a sweaty brown and a growling belly.  So, back to the apartment I went with the idea that I’d be back later to plant.

2nd Trip: Rain clouds started rolling in.  I though “oh shit, I don’t want to plant in the rain, best get going”.  So, I drug the tomato cages and the flat of plants down to the plot (and must have looked a little crazy walking down the street carrying what I was carrying).  Took a bit of muster as it seems that about 2.5 feet into my plot there’s a nice ouklip (hardpan).  Several swear words later I had forced my tomato cages into the ground and had everything planted.  Had another “oh shit” moment when I realized that both the hose and the spicket were locked up.  And, I’ve yet to get the combo.  Well…it is supposed to rain right?

3rd Trip: Clouds burned off, shit.  Now, I need to go water my plants with the hope that the rain this week will at least take care of the rest until my fellow Nazi P-Patchers give me the damn combo.  So…again, I must have look like a crazy person walking down the street with two 5-gallon buckets (you might think that two blocks up, one block over is a short distance, I too mistakenly thought this until I had to carry buckets full of water over that distance…it is a LONG walk).  So, watered in my plants just as the evening was starting to get cool.

So, despite that it kind of took me all day, I think my plot is off to a good start.  I have plans of putting a small strawberry patch into the corner and planting a few rows of carrots and beets.  Maybe next year I’ll get adventurous and try snap peas (yum).  The great thing about today, despite being a bit bummed about my anti-climactic birthday and the fact that I seemingly am attracted to unavailable men, it felt good to get my hands dirty.  It felt good to garden again.  I guess that is what happens when you are a ‘fixed earth’ sigh and you stray far from your element.  I guess that is why it felt so good to ‘come home’.

In the words of Joe Dirt, Life IS a garden and I do plan on diggin’ it.

Revelations 4:20

Apparently 2010 is the year of revelations for me. Revelations in the department of romance.  I know you’re all sick of this subject but just stay with me.

A few years ago I realized one of my errors in dating was the type of man I was choosing. My mother referred to this type as ‘milk toast’.  I am sure there are several reasons for this but no point in listing them as this is no longer a type that I find attractive.  And, I’ve gotten quite good at spotting one of these right away out of fear of wasting additional time in my life; trying to make moths into butterflies.  But, it was a friend that recently pointed out to me that I have a tendency to like men that don’t treat me well.  If you know me, you’d know this is truly out of character compared to everything else about me.  Though it stung to hear that (and she offered to be my cheerleader if I needed but felt it was better to be my friend), she was right.  It is the little things they do, more often than naught, out of self-preservation and unintentionally, it’s the little disrespects that they pay me.  I forget along the way that I am deserving of something better, that I have worth and if I see it then someone else will.

So I’ve spent four going on five years single.  I’ve processed my milk toast phase.  I’ve grieved for the loss of my father.  I’ve had a rough start to this year and I don’t know if I want another eight months or more of this but I suppose if it is in the name of being okay with the one in the glass, then it is okay with me.

Pink Bunny-Mixed Tap-Murder City Devils-Fire
You hurt. Though I know you didn’t mean to. It was like meeting someone you know is supposed to be in your life but for the second time you still managed not to get it right. If things were different, then we’d be different, but they’re not. So we remain the same way we were. Apart. I miss you.

Blockbuster-Too Young/Too Old-Warmth
I’m glad we had that talk…and I’m glad that I can actually call you ‘friend’.

Dimples-Green Scarf-Portishead-Joan
St. Patrick’s Day, that’s when I met you.  Outside of the alcohol and my recent bruised heart, you were and to me are, genuinely interesting.  Some time was spent, food was enjoyed, laughs were had.  You weren’t looking for anything (but really you are, and that’s the courage to change what you can).  I was simply wanting to be in the moment, because that’s all anyone really has.  No expectations but still…  My honesty, I’m certain, made you uncomfortable.  But you made me realize (as we are far more similar than you think) that when one’s baggage becomes a crutch which then becomes an excuse to not take risks.  Then, it is no longer a lesson learned, rather one not valued.  Change comes from within, always.  You’re smart enough to know this.  I hope that you are brave enough to live this.  And I do hope to see you again, despite all of this.  I had an odd dream about you.  I was in your apartment (thank the gods you finally cleaned that kitchen up) staring at your bathroom floor I noticed a pair of brown swimming trunks (O’Neil brand), lying on the floor in a heap, slightly damp.  Yeah, I don’t think I quite get it either.

At McCoy’s, following a Sounders game on Saturday (Suz and Pat having just left to go home) I was standing at the bar cashing out my tab when someone put their hand on my shoulder.  I’m not as accustomed to others in my space so of course I tensed reading myself to bring the wrath of the furies down on this person.  It was a man who I had seen sitting at the bar for the duration of my post-game celebration.  He looked at me and asked, “Are you alone?”  I must have given him the oddest series of looks, which he could not decipher so he felt the need to ask me again, “Are you alone?”  My reply, “I’m simply cashing my tab out, please leave me be.”  He did not hear me or did and simply felt that what he had to say was important regardless.  He then said “Because…you are beautiful.  And you won’t always be alone.”  And there is was, right there.  A punch in the gut I wasn’t expecting.  The walls slammed into place, I took my copy and walked out without another word.  In went the iPod ear buds, on went the sunglasses and there I stood in the rain, waiting for the bus, starting to cry.  I barely held it together during the ride home.  I used the Phone-A-Friend to find someone to hear me.

To sum up why I reacted so strongly, after telling this story to my friend Sue, I feel she said it best.  “I wouldn’t want another that didn’t know and love me to say that”.  It has no value coming from a stranger and doesn’t make me feel that I have any worth outside of my beauty.  That (though my beauty has done me NO favors in the romance department) beauty is the key to apparently not being alone.  But then, when I used my Phone-A-Friend, I found one.  And, she listened.  And, when I emailed my friends because I was needing to be heard, I was…and, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

I have a lot of people looking out for me.  I have a lot of people that love me.  I have a lot of people that want me to become what I am supposed to be and that now includes me.

Going Back To Cali

Originally posted on Facebook…

So, it is only fitting that I return to the place I spent two years of my life. It is time to make amends I say. We can’t be mad at one another forever can we? (Don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical.) We had a bad run of it toward the end, I know, but can a place be that bad that brought so many good friends into my life? I think not! (I was told I had reached my tag limit with this note, that gives you an idea as to how many of you Californians are among my friends).

So, I made myself a little playlist of Cali related tunes because music really is where I would live if I could. I am asking you, my friends from CA to make additional suggests because music is about connections, in the end.

California (mix 1) – Ryan Adams

California (mix 2) – Ryan Adams

Goodnight, Hollywood Blvd. – Ryan Adams

Hollywood – Collective Soul

Not California – Hem

Hollywood – Madonna

In California 0 Neko Case

Going Back To Cali – Notorious B.I.G.

Just Like California – Old 97’s

California – Phantom Planet

California Sun – Ramones

Californication – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Dani California – Red Hot Chili Peppers

California – Rufus Wainwright

California (The Rentals) – Weezer

California Love – 2PAC & Dr. Dre

Transformers: A good movie in disguise.

I feel compelled to write about Transformers the movie …

First there needs to be a bit of back story.  I am a child of the 80s.  One of the last in the Gen. X group.  Transformers were a pivotal part of my childhood. A cartoon I sat, engrossed, watching as G vs. E played out.  Any children’s literature professor will tell you that a basic component to creating a story that a child can sink their sponge-brained teeth into would be one where there are heroes and villains.

When I first heard they were making a modern movie version of Transformers, I was thrilled.  Knowing how advanced we are as far as CGI, I knew that it had enormous potential.  Of course, this was crushed when I found that one Michael Bay would be directing.

To be honest, it isn’t that Michael Bay is terrible (though some may argue that he is). It is that he has a tendency to amp up the cheese factor to unbearably rank levels (Pearl Harbor, The Island).  There is nothing cheesy in my mind about Transformers. A race of robots raging a war among themselves.  A war that consumed their own planet and has now spilled onto Earth with humans caught somewhere in the middle.  There was a small hope, that because Michael Bay, if anything, understands over-the-top action, that with the right script and special effects, that he just might be able to pull it off.

After twisting my mother’s arm, we decided to catch the late show of Transformers in Longview last night.  (There was the usual comments regarding the large number of rednecks in the theater, families with annoying children and the general depressing state of Kelso/Longview and everything seemingly associate with this.  We watched the ‘First Look’ segment, made comments on our desire to see or not to see the films previewed.

Then…the film began.

Unbelievable!  The film was most excellent.  Everything that I loved about this cartoon in my childhood came to life on screen (I wasn’t so bent over the changes in origin, not when something is done well).  Nonstop action, liberally peppered with humor that almost everyone could appreciate (my mother an I found ourselves with tears rolling down our cheeks many times).  The special effects were off the charts amazing and the casting was well done (save for John Turturro, he was a bit much but I will give them that).  You could tell, those of us that are the children of the 80s, we sat on the edges of our seats, laughed at original references and for 144 minutes forgot that we were in our late twenties and early to mid thirties, and became children again.

I am sure that there are those of you that will scoff at this, will have not liked the movie, but the child in me loved it and that was worth the $8.50.

There is something about robots, the nobility of their characters and the simplicity of the black and white world they paint.  I am referring (by my own definition so please don’t argue semantics) to robots in the following way: Transformers, Sonny (I, Robot), The Terminator (movie), Iron Giant (movie).  Most of these characters still maintain their mechanical origins, making them ‘robotic’ and to me, better able to demonstrate the idea of G vs. E.  They aren’t complicated by mimicking human behavior but rather representing characteristics of human nature.  I am not referring to robots in the following way: Lt. Commander Data (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Ash (Alien), Bishop (Aliens), Blade Runner (movie).  To me, these are androids, too human or too consumed with attempts at being human.

Go see the movie.  Go knowing that it is a Michael Bay film and do not hold this against it.  Go get back a piece of your childhood.

Whatever you do, don’t sit next to a man that walks in the first few minutes of the film, smelling like a dumpster, looking like Ronon Dex (Stargate: Atlantis) who hasn’t bathed for a few months and is wearing a real fir capelette with raccoon tails dangling from it (yeah, so not making this up).

Vegas

Wow, what a trip!  Frankly, I don’t want to go into details.  There are some I want to relish and keep to myself.  For those of you that joined me in the debauchery, you might know of them or maybe you don’t remember because you were too drunk to.  Let me just give you a short list of the highlights:

1) bed peeing (not me but someone else)
2) cocaine (no, I didn’t have anything to do with this)
3) alcoholism (yes, I had something to do with this)
4) VIP access
5) CIA agent

No, I did not, and I repeat DID NOT have sex with anyone while I was there.  I am not, despite what some of you may thing, that kind of girl.  Vegas, she is my kind of city though.

Hard Knock Life

A sobriety checkpoint.  Who has heard of such a thing? Maryl and I went to the Chevy’s on Arden Hwy.  It has a great little deck area that hangs out over the river.  In that area the land is still relatively undeveloped so there is a ton of natural vegetation.  Most likely this has to do with the fact that everything floods in and around there so unless another ark is being built, the land is essentially useless.  So I was driving back to Olive Garden where she parked her car and I had to go through a sobriety checkpoint.  Needless to say the ONE watermelon margarita didn’t do me in.  I guess these things are commonplace in California, in and around major holidays.

Why in the hell would one need to pull drunk drivers on an early Tuesday evening?  I guess that will remain a mystery.  Needless to say I couldn’t help but be slightly sarcastic to the 50 plus law enforcement stationed alongside the road.  The kicker was that not a single one of them was directing me in anyway.  Protect and serve…that is up for broad interpretation.

I am counting the days until my Vegas trip…if have not said it before then great, if I have, then I will say it again.  For me I hope this trip is one where I will only recall the trip through photos and accounts of my behavior from friends.  Do I intended to do things that should remain in Vegas?  No, if I do something, I do it with the idea that I will have to own up to it at one point or another.  No regrets right?

Ha Ha

I typically don’t like forwards, I find them annoying.  There is a whole group of people out there that forward people millions of things every day without one single thought.  The sad part is only a small fraction of them are actually funny.  The next saddest thing is that I have printed out the fraction of the funny ones and kept them in a 3-inch binder to read/look at when I am needing a good laugh.  The disturbing thing is that people think forwards actually substitute for normal email communication. No wonder the world is fucked.

While I have had a long day today, I know that my bitter humor is still in tact.  The forward was about what the dogs were thinking that were pictured. This one seriously had me laughing my ass off.  Enjoy.

The caption read: “Very funny.  You come up with that yourself?”

I feel you little guy (or gal).  Don’t give up, just get mean.  That is what I did and look how well adjusted I am.

Nothing much to say…

Yes, things have been a bit quiet in my home but frankly I don’t mind though I think some of you do.  Thank you to those of you that have been trying to keep in touch with me, it is appreciated though maybe not always expressed.  I simply am in a part of my life where I prefer to be left alone.  Maybe I will come out of it, maybe I won’t but don’t think that just because I don’t answer emails or return calls that it means I don’t care about all of you.

Work is going well, my house is coming together and I am starting to do more volunteer work that suits my personality.  I am looking forward to the summer sun (before it turns too hot here in CA), good books to read, movies to watch and friends to make (maybe).

I hope all is well with everyone and I will get back to each of you when I am able to.

Two More Shows

Counting the hours at this point until I am off work for 3 days in a row and celebrating my 28th birthday with friends.  Dinner in town with a few of them on Monday then Tuesday and Wednesday I will be in the Monterey Bay area.  Two more nights of shows.  Of course Sunday is what we term an ‘outside’ rental which means lots of complications and frustration.  Some people just don’t know how to put on a show!  Nice that this is how I am to finish out my work week.

I have been trying to settle into my place a bit more.  Getting the office/craft/library area set up.  Working on a cozy little back balcony/patio area.  I set the fountain up the other day…the one that I have drug across the United States and back to survive with minimal damage.  A little frustrated with the roomie at the moment.  She is a bit on the lazy side and has a more loose definition of ‘clean’ than I do, but these aren’t things that I can’t talk
with her about and come to some sort of compromise on.

I was getting a nice little Jamba pick-me-up this afternoon before work, walking through the Davis Commons area and I was hit with a wall of one of the sweetest smells I have ever enjoyed.  Jasmine is full in bloom and Davis is not in short supply of this plant.  The breeze is warm and light, carrying that rich smell, kind of makes all your worries go away in one deep breath, even if you have to stand in line with a bunch of undergrad twits.

Looking to buy this lovely plant myself which without serious protection, doesn’t survive Pacific Northwest winters but heartily flourishes here in sunny central/northern California.  I will make sure to write another blog, after the plant has taken off, wrapping itself around the porch rails, with the water happily gurgling in the background from my fountain, me enjoying a lazy Sunday afternoon and reading a very good book nestled deep
into a comfortable wicker patio chair.