Relationship Status
Dear Facebook,
I’ve decided that your paltry selection of options for one’s relationship status simply do not cut the mustard. They lack a certain bite that people such as myself need in their daily lives. In an attempt to help rectify this situation I’ve come up with five (5) of my own off the top of my head. Please feel free to include these in your list of selections in the not-too-distant future and check back as I’m certain I’ll be updating this list in the next month-and-a-half.
- Don’t Let the Door Hit You On the Way Out – Said to the significant other as you collect their key to your place or when you’ve moved out and they finish moving your last box of worldly possessions into your new drama free abode. If the latter, do not include them in your headcount for obligatory pizza and beer paid to those you roped in to helping you move.
- Free At Last – Said aloud whether or not anyone is around when the door firmly closes behind them.
- Fuck You, Fuck You, You’re Cool – No explanation needed.
- Cooking For One
- Significantly Less Complicated – No explanation needed.
Yours,
Eleanor R. Lien